On Today’s Episode of “All My Apartments”

9:30: Voice-mail from the kindthe temptation to put quotes around that word is strongbroker confirming that the Sunnyside apartment is still indeed available. The Greek myth realtor has not sent me the application to the Jackson Heights apartment so I take it as a sign that I should give this a chance. I know, I know, this is how people stay in bad relationships for years. But I scan the old application she gave me in New York and email it to her. She confirms receipt via email.

3:30: She texts to say that the apartment for which I applied this morning already has an applicant. She is very sorry. Would I like to apply for the one she showed me in Jackson Heights? Hmm. Have I seen this episode recently? I think so. It is time for the break-up scene. I text her and tell her to send back my application fee.

4:00: By this point, the Greek myth guy’s application form is in my email box. (No respectable soap would just abandon a character with no indication of her next relationship, after all!)

I print out the other application, and am horrified by the non-refundable application fee ($250) and some other mysterious fee ($600) it lists, but also somewhat numb to the numbers. I call him as I walk to the bank but he hastens to tell me that I don’t have to pay those feessince it’s a condo owner renting the place, she will be paying those costs. I just have to put together my documents, wait for the lease that he will send by FedEx, and send back all the paperwork plus a certified check for the first month’s rent.

If the application is approvedwhich might take a weekI will not be able to back out of the lease; if it is not, they will return the money. I am also required to pay a refundable moving deposit at that point, which will be returned after I move in and the super checks that my moving process did not damage the elevator or building in any way. (The broker tells me that if I’m going to hire moversmore on this process laterI should ensure that they are an outfit that has insurance so they will pay me for that damage.)

Everyone with me so far? No? That’s okay. I’ve lost the plot myself. But tune in again. After all, we don’t watch soaps for their logical, clear-cut plots, do we?

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